Is it time to find a counselor?

Have you ever asked yourself this question- is it time for me to talk to someone? I’m asked some variation of this question pretty often, and my answer is usually this:

If you’re thinking it might be time to talk to someone, it probably is.

The questions posed at the beginning of this post is kind of a trick question. There’s no singular right time or ideal moment to start working with a counselor. If you’re ready, that’s the ideal moment. If you’re thinking it might be useful but not completely ready- also an ideal moment. What about if you find yourself having a moment of, “Oh wow, I wish I’d already started counseling?” Maybe not ideal, but still a fantastic time to get started. There’s really no right or wrong time to start working with a counselor. So what makes people wait? What contributes to the uncertainty? I think there are a few factors.

First, we live in a culture that places a high values on independence, autonomy, and figuring it out. These aren’t bad things- these are traits we all need to develop in order to live healthy lives, solve problems, and grow as humans. Of course, as with most things in life, moderation is important. Any healthy coping skill can become overdeveloped- meaning you use the skill in situations where it isn’t needed or isn’t the most useful way of coping. Just because you can figure it out on your own doesn’t mean you have to.

Second, there is still some stigma around seeking mental health care. We’ve made a lot of progress toward normalizing the need for mental heath care, but we still have work to do as a society. I’ve met a lot of folks over the years who believe that their life would need to be completely unmanageable before it would be appropriate to see a counselor. This is not true at all- you don’t have to let your life slide completely out of control, or even halfway out of control, before asking for help. Everyone can benefit from talking through their stuff with someone who is equipped to help them sort through it all. I also still meet folks in the year 2024 who tell me they would never engage in counseling- they’re strong, they can figure it out. Working with a counselor, or any other mental health professional, is sometimes still viewed as a sign of weakness. Personally, I believe it take a lot of courage to ask for help and participate in the process.

The last factor that I’ll mention here is that the process can be intimidating. If you’ve thought about talking to a counselor, you’ve probably asked yourself a lot of questions about the process. How do you know which counselor is right for you? How do your insurance benefits work? When can you fit counseling into your schedule? Will you have to talk about the stuff you really don’t want to talk about? What if you start seeing a counselor and it just isn’t working out for you? It’s so easy to become overwhelmed by the unknown, and to deal with that by avoiding taking action.

If you’re wondering whether it’s time to talk to someone, I encourage you to listen to that wondering and explore it a little. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or there’s something wrong with you. It means you’re human. You don’t have to wait until things are “bad enough.” If you’re intimidated by the process, try spending just half an hour learning what you can. Reach out to a few counselors and ask for a consultation. Many, like me, are happy to offer a 15-20 minute phone call to answer questions and chat about how we might work together when you’re ready. If you think you might benefit from talking with a counselor, you’re probably right.

Thanks for reading.